I just finished watching A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood starring Tom Hanks. I was brought along into the magic and substance of what Mr. Rogers brought to the world when he spoke this line: “We are trying to give people a positive way of dealing with their feelings.” It holds many parallels to what therapy is all about.

We are living in extraordinary times right now. The last several months have moved us from disbelief and denial to acceptance of the “new reality” of a pandemic gripping our world. We as men are struggling like everyone else to make sense of this new threat to our health, safety and livelihoods. An additional challenge is to take good care of ourselves so that we have the resource to care for our families and others in need.

 Beyond the action scenes and good versus evil elements this is also a father and son picture.  The Joneses are archetypes of the father and son common to all fathers and sons.

We have a need to take literal or mythic journeys, transform ourselves and come back to our day to day lives with new wisdom. And when the topic turned to those who are mavericks in our society and what they can contribute he identified himself as having always been a maverick.

We have just passed the summer equinox and had the longest day of the year. We are enjoying the fullness of summer. What does that mean and what are supposed to do with this season of light? It is a time to connect socially with many family gatherings, weddings and parties scheduled during the warmer weather. For those that suffer from SAD, seasonal affective disorder, it is a relief to bask in the sun’s warm glow.

I suggest you watch the Ted Talk on You Tube featuring Warren Farrell. It is titled: The Boy Crisis: A Sobering Look at the State of our Boys. In the talk he addresses what he calls the boy crisis in our country. Farrell exposes the causes for the high levels of violence, suicide and lack of purpose experienced by boys in our culture.

One of the greatest challenges for men is to learn how to stop approaching every conversation with their wife, or partner as an opportunity to solve their problem.

“The Work” was filmed at Folsom Prison in California. It paints a stark picture of the inmates and the invited outside participants during a four-day group therapy process.

The film is gritty, real and puts the viewer face to face with level four offenders who are open about the crimes they committed to get themselves there. One inmate tells of “almost sawing a man in half” with a knife.

Men have been trained since childhood to not cry or show emotions. It is part of our toxic masculine culture that tells boys and men to “be a man.” When they are young boys cry when upset, scared, lost, etc. They then get the message that that is not OK, even from their family. Fathers who were themselves trained out of their feelings also join in telling their sons to, “suck it up!”

We men are not raised to pay attention to our relationships. This may be slowly changing but in general boys are raised to be achievers and are in training to be bread winners.

Men are raised to be self-sufficient and always reply with “fine” when asked how they are feeling. They will not risk being seen as weak or needy by asking for help. This behavior is enshrined in the old joke about men never stopping and asking for directions when the family gets lost on their outing.